It really is a hideous car, and I'm with everyone who's complained about the bloat. It's built on what is essentially the E90 platform, so you get virtually all the weight of the three with far less practicality and much worse looks. I believe the 135i coupe weighs only about 70 kilos less than the E92 335i, for example. Seriously, who would buy one of these?
I was trying to avoid getting sucked into this but... Where do I start... See tables attached for data.
1) I think it's clear from any forum here involving the 1-series that the styling is not for everyone. I'd agree that it is polarizing but styling is a subjective thing and believe it or not, lots of people don't have a problem with the 1 series styling.
2) It is also my understanding that the 1 series shares many structural, chassis, powertrain, hardware and electronic elements with the larger 3 Series. Based on my review of the specifications listed on the CanadianDriver website, the 128i Coupe (3252 lbs) is approx ~100lbs lighter than the 328i Coupe (3351 lbs) and the 135i Coupe (3373 lbs) is ~200lbs lighter than the 335i Coupe (3571 lbs). The difference may not be as big as many would think but 3-6% is still nothin to sneeze at. If you don't need the size of a 3 series, I fail to see how a slightly smaller lighter car with the exactly the same powertrain is a problem.
3) One thing you failed to mention in your rant was MSRP. The table below shows the MSRP for the base model 1-series and 3-series vehicles. You can see that the price premium to step up to the 3 series from the 1 series ranges from $5700 (128i vs 328i sedan) up to $20400 (135i Cab vs 335i Cab).
So let me answer your question: "Seriously, who would buy one of these?"
- Someone who has grown to like the styling of the 1 series.
- Someone who doesn't need the size, space and associated weight gains of the 3 series but wants a similar driving experience.
- Someone who doesn't want to pay the significant price premium associated with the 3 series.
Someone like me.