Should you be assigned driving detail, you might be interested to hear of the specs available when your Lord or Lady is off to their first-class flight. A supercharged 5.0L V8 is the only powertrain with the Long Wheelbase edition, the 510 hp and 461 lb-ft of torque from 2,500 to 5,500 rpm more than enough to either waft the regal SUV up to highway speeds effortlessly. Should you find yourself unburdened with passengers of delicate sensibilities on an empty country lane, planting your right foot to the floor will lift the nose like a flat-hooded muscle car and launch this 2,412 kg leviathan to 100 km/h in under six seconds. It is dangerously fast, but the massive 22-inch wheels with 275/40R22 Continental Cross Contact LX Sports have the grip and brakes to slow it down quick enough to avoid icebergs and slow-moving tectonic plates. Just kidding, the brakes are quite effective, though no amount of brakes would make it feel safe to accelerate that much mass that quickly.

Of course, this isn’t a streetlight racer, and its manners are of far greater importance than its urgency. In this area it is outstanding. The composure is good enough to take turns at a good clip, but its primary goal of cosseting passengers may lead to some body roll if one gets a little too eager in corners. Far better to take things in stride and let the air suspension massage out any road imperfections with grace and subtlety. Big wheels and body control mean you might occasionally hear and feel a sharp “crack” from large, severe bumps, but anything less generally goes unnoticed.

Do you care about cargo capacity or fuel consumption? No, I’m going to continue my stereotypes here and assume that you have people to worry about those kinds of things. It’s good to be king.

Care more about Sport: 2015 Land Rover Range Rover Sport SVR

Anyhow, we won’t pore over the specs or the engineering brilliance and weight savings of the aluminum frame and mundane details like the infotainment system. This is the Autobiography trim of the Long Wheelbase Range Rover, the flagship Land Rover. While Land Rover has its roots in a utilitarian vehicle that served British armed forces, farmers in British backwaters and aid workers and adventurers around the globe, its capability bred a following in ever more sophisticated circles, and the luxury amenities followed. At this point, it is the official weekend brand of the Queen, the Prince of Wales, the Duke of Edinburgh, countless other nobility, industrialists, entrepreneurs of various stripes and, of course, footballers. You can’t buy exposure like that. Us mere peasants can only dream of rolling around in a car that is so very lovely, emulating our pop culture heroes, its every stitch and seam of the finest materials and craftsmanship, but with a superb modern design and the latest technology. While I’m being slightly tongue in cheek, and our culture’s fascination with celebrity and royalty is a phenomenon I can’t quite grasp, the Range Rover Autobiography is truly fit for a king, and will make you feel like royalty, no matter how humble your roots are.

Competitors:
Audi Q7
Lexus LX 570
Mercedes-Benz GL 63 AMG
BMW X5M

Pricing: 2015 Land Rover Range Rover Long Wheelbase Autobiography
Base Price: Mwahahahahah…

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