   The author is personally acquainted with many such specimens… Click image to enlarge |
Name: Mud-Bog Mike
Age: 26
Likes: winches, obnoxious auxiliary lighting, truck-nuts, off-road tire noise, his sister
Dislikes: Cleaning things, city folk, crossovers
Habits: Mike loves his 4×4, and unlike most pampered city folk, he takes his ride out into the mud every weekend with his buddies for fun and amusement. Mike lives for getting stuck, flinging turf from his tires, and getting farther into a field of rutted slop than his buds for bragging rights. Crossing deep water, whacking stuff with his machine’s underbelly and climbing steep things are all weekly activities for this fella. He’s had a few inches of muddy water in his cabin, more than once, thanks to various off-road whoopsies.
Concerns: Mike’s truck will probably clean up real nice. He might even take the pressure washer to the underside to clean off the sand, impacted dirt and grass hanging from his frame. And he’ll blast out the wheelwells, shampoo the engine and clean the cabin carefully, too. After all – nobody wants to buy a truck that looks like its spent 360 days a year as some slack-jawed yokels beloved mud-rocket, right?
Thing is, you’ll want to be sure Mike has taken care of things beneath the skin, too. There’s probably muddy water in his differentials, and maybe his transmission. This is very bad news. Electronic components inside the vehicle may have been submerged in water when Mike tried to cross that stream his buddies swore “wasn’t that deep”. As a result, they’ll likely operate with limited consistency and cause frustrating and difficult-to-diagnose issues down the line.
Wheel-bearings, axle seals, driveshaft joints, brake caliper seals and other pricey bits may have been exposed to excessive wear from use while surrounded by mud, dirty water and sand, and the underside of Mike’s truck likely has numerous dents and scrapes that’ll invite premature rust. His cabin might smell musty and mildewey, possibly like a damp basement or a gym bag. Dampness may be apparent in the carpeting, and dirt, sand and rust may be present beneath it.
Best defense? Trucks and other 4×4 vehicles should be put in the air on a mechanic’s hoist for a full underbelly inspection, just to be safe. Have the mechanic note any signs of damage, rust, leaks or other issues caused by careless off-roading. Further, have him check the condition and level of all fluids, just to be safe.
  Fantasy vs Reality. Click image to enlarge |
Name: Tuner Timmy
Age: 21
Likes: Ferraris, Lamborghinis, sticker-wraps, Altezza lights, smack-talking haters, underglow
Dislikes: Haters, cars that are stock, running out of plasti-dip
Habits: Timmy has high-performance car aspirations but works nine hours a week and frequently eats at a restaurant with a 99-cent menu. He can’t have the 458 Italia or Aventador from the poster on his bedroom / parent’s basement wall, but that won’t stop him from buying all sorts of low-quality add-on parts and half-assing them onto his Cobalt or Sentra for extra cool factor until he hits it big one day.
Concerns: Timmy’s car has xenon lights, a body kit, lowering springs, a custom stereo system, a magnaflow exhaust, intake, bright red spark-plug wires and maybe even a turbo kit, all fabbed-up and installed by him and his buddies in the driveway.
On the surface, some of these parts make nice add-ons. But, bear in mind, buying a vehicle upgraded with low-quality parts, low-quality installation and un-professional modification of its systems is a great way to wind up with a serious headache.
Improperly installed parts can pose a safety hazard, fire hazard, and adversely affect fuel economy and durability. They may even be illegal. Low-quality parts, including that set of seventeen-dollar xenon projectors from eBay and that body-kit from Uzbekistan that was painted with a few cans of spray-bomb, aren’t likely to last. And, hacking into a vehicles wiring for aftermarket lights, stereo equipment and the like, especially on newer vehicles, can be a disaster waiting to happen.
Turbo kits installed to a non-turbo car can be a naughty bit of fun. Or, when installed on a budget without proper supporting modifications and engine re-tuning, they can send rod-number-3 through the side of the block when you try to peel out of the Timmies drive-thru, which is embarrassing.
Best defense? Avoid a modified ride where possible, unless you’re up on the tuning scene, the parts, and how they’ll work with the model in question. Some ‘upgrades’ are typically safe and should cause no alarm. Others aren’t. If in doubt, move to another model or ask a mechanic for a closer look.
