    This duo may command a variety of vehicles, be especially wary of the luxury SUV variant. Click image to enlarge |
Name: Collision Carrie and Smashy Shonequia
Age: 23 and 25
Likes: Selfies, texting the boys, shoes, TLC, those little dogs you carry in a purse
Dislikes: Things that are gross, scrubs, dead iPhone batteries
Habits: These two sisters love spray tan, shoe-shopping, and designer micro-mutts carried around in designer purses. They also love texting, selfies, texting their selfies, and taking selfies of themselves texting. And, what’s the best place to take a selfie to text to your girls? In the car on the way to the shoe store at 110 km/h. Like, duh!
Concerns: Carrie and Shonequia’s selfie-texting leaves little time for paying attention to the motoring world around them. As a result, their Mustang Convertible has rear-ended numerous other vehicles, side-swiped a few others, and lost control, roundhouse-kicking a guardrail, more than once. Daddy’s insurance rates have skyrocketed, but thanks to the nearby body shop, the girl’s beloved ride gets new paint as often as their fingernails.
So, this car might look pristine outside – but beneath the skin, damage to the vehicle’s frame, alignment, or other issues may result. If the repair job is of low quality, the vehicle’s finish may peel, flake off or age prematurely. There could be Bondo or other fillers used excessively, or poorly-attached bumpers, and other issues hiding under the skin. Look carefully at this ride, ensuring that all panels line up, that it passes the magnet test for the presence of body filler, and spend the few bucks on a CarProof or similar report, just to be safe.
   The more adventurous folk in her bridge club may opt for silver. Click image to enlarge |
Name: Beige Betsy
Age: 107
Likes: Church, sweaters, springtime, Matlock, things that she remembers
Dislikes: Teenaged nincompoops, noise, driving
Habits: Betsy is a fan of beige. Her clothes are beige. Her 1950’s era living room furniture is beige. And, of course, her LeSabre is beige, too. She often parks by touch, never accelerates, and never pushes her luck by driving near the speed limit like a squirrely hooligan. Betsy’s family doesn’t worry too much about her car being maintained, since she drives about 87 kilometres a year.
Concerns: Some of the concerns with Betsy’s car will be easy to spot. Check the body, and especially the bumpers, for signs of damage. If you notice above-average levels of scraping, denting or scuffing, call it into pricing negotiations. Further, although Betsy’s car is likely very clean and low mileage, a full check for rust, especially in pesky, hidden areas like the inner, lower edges of the doors and trunk, should be considered mandatory. The exhaust system, which has collected moisture but never been hot enough to burn it all off, may be excessively rusty, too.
Betsy’s car might suffer from electrical component issues caused by an improperly-charged battery – since it only gets driven occasionally and for short periods. Check Engine lights or fussy operation of certain vehicle systems, especially on a newer model, are key warning signs. And, since Betsy’s engine is likely to be carboned-up from years of frustratingly gentle throttle application and limited time spent at operating temperature, be on the lookout for signs of a rough idle, hesitation or inconsistent power delivery which can be caused by clogged injectors or valve-gunk buildup.
And remember – although oil changes are typically done after a given mileage, oil can absorb moisture and other contaminants in a car that sits for extended periods – so be sure to check the condition of all of Betsy’s fluids. Best defense against buying a car formerly owned by Betsy? Ask a mechanic to look at the battery and charging system, exhaust system, and all fluids, for peace of mind. At least the seats will be pristine, since they’re all covered in doilies.
